I Didn’t do it as a teen, but as 2020 has reignited my goth phase, I’ve started a blog.

In darkness I sit, consumed by rage and sadness….. Not really, I’m sitting in my PJs in a lovely apartment in Russia, eating biscuits and waiting for my puppet I left in the back if a cab to be returned. I have decided to start writing things down, in the dream that one day these diaries will be as popular as Peeps or Palin, but I think we both know it’s much more likely that they’ll be lost in time, or I will simply forget them like so many of my other weird fanciful projects. I’m gonna finish that Opera one day, I swear….

I am on tour. words I feared I’d never say again. 2020 has been damn hard for comedians, and when the offer of some slots abroad came in I jumped at the chance. My thinking on getting infected with covid went from ‘We all must stay inside and stay safe’ to ‘I must perform or else I will EXPLODE’ in about 3 months. So, I packed my bags, put on my mask, and out I came.

The Russian response to the virus is largely ‘Lets just all pretend it isn’t real’ and at the moment it seems much better than the UK. people are OUT. People are drunk, and people want to have fun, see friends and party. My initial reservation was very quickly forgotten after a few pints and personable friendly live interaction became as easy as it used to be in very short order. The first show was like magic, a full venue and the loud roar of the crowd as I took the stage gave me an adrenaline boost that kicked me straight out of the depression I’d been dealing with in the last few months. I am a massive attention whore. I don’t need therapy, or even acceptance. I just want people to look at me while I dick about, sometimes with a puppet, then I’m happy.

What I love most about shows and travelling is the way it connects you to new people. The best part of any new friendship is the ‘Getting to know you’ phase, and I love the chance to do that again and again with people from all over the world. Connection is what drives me, either through music, art, or conversation, there’s nothing I love more than meeting someone I have something in common with, having a laugh, having a beer, and seeing where the conversation takes us. The time locked in my flat alone over the past 6 months took that experience away from me, and without this, I’m not ever truly myself.

I thought it was the performance I missed, but as it turns out, it was the people.