The Celeb Court Battle you Should be Paying attention to.
They were, in many people’s eyes, the perfect celebrity couple. They met as children at a day care, and have been publicly inseparable ever since. A public romance that has inspired millions, what was perceived as the perfect pairing has disintegrated into lurid squabbling and a vicious televised court case.
On the surface, the pair were perfect, but behind the scenes the tension was growing higher and higher.
‘He never had time for moi’ said a tearful miss piggy in the witness box. ‘Always helping his friends learn the meaning of togetherness, but always cold and distant with me, oh wee oh wee oh wee’.
‘He would go on long road trips all the time, hanging with bands and bears, and doing reports in a snazzy coat on the street. he was friendly and enthusiastic on camera, but at home he was reluctant to show intimacy, always shrugging, shouting and waiving his arms if I’d do so much as try to kiss him, oh wee.’
Kermit sat quietly in the box of the court, smirking and plucking occasionally on a tiny Banjo. his demeanour during her sworn testimony was exacerbated, with occasional outburst of ‘Good Grief’, ‘I’m Just one Frog’ and him scrunching up his face.
When he took the stand, he was calm, polite and confident.
‘Miss piggy was cruel. demanding kisses and attention at inappropriate times. she was very jealous, but would openly flirt with other people, like noted dancer Rudolf Nureyev, Harry Bellefonte, or the man pig muppet who appeared as her co star in ‘Pigs in space’.
‘She was very physical with me, often lashing out violently when she didn’t get her way. The other day, I couldn’t find a role in a sketch for her dog, Foo Foo, so she Karate Chopped me so hard I flew into a nearby gong. She Shouted ‘Hi-Ya’ so loud that all of my workmates heard it, but she’s so influential they just sat by and did nothing. My back is so sore that all I can do is relax on my Lilly pad all day.’
a defendant, who wishes to remain anonymous, was quoted as saying about witnessed violence:
‘Meep meep meep, meep meep meep meep, Meep MEEP meep meep.’
Best friend of Kermit and noted comedy bear, Fozzy had this to say in a recent interview.
‘It’s Sad to see two people, both great friends of mine, turn to such public squabbling, and ruining the good name of the muppets we worked for over 30 years to build. I lament at the pressures and pain of celebrity, and observe with great distain the collapse of our modern fame culture. Waka Waka’
The trial continues…
